I am a nonbinary trans-femme, in my mid-40s, and I am struggling to come to terms with my gender identity and to accept myself and to move on with my life with confidence. I am receiving male to female hormone replacement therapy for a year now. I was born and raised in Eastern Europe, in a highly religious country, which today is the member of the European Union. Ten years ago, in 2015, I moved to United Kingdom, to restart my life and to pursue my own dreams, and try to make sense of things, and to start my male to female transition. Before I left my home country, I was the general manager of my family’s business, and things went well I was quite successful. But by 2014, my brother disowned me and left me without any means or income or savings. I also lost right in that period, a very serious and long relationship, because of my gender identity. My mother decided to let things happen inside the family, and she abandoned me emotionally and took my brother’s side, as he was the one who managed the family money at the time of my dismissal. That’s when I decided to move to UK, due to all the heartache and all the unfortunate events of that time. But my last ten years went on while battling with my own insecurity, while trying to integrate into the British society. It was only in 2022, at the age of 44, when I started my hormone replacement therapy. I suffer from emotional instability, since childhood, I always second guess myself, I don’t real self-confidence. I am trying to come to terms with myself, and to reintegrate my inner child, to find my own peace and move on with my life. I am the kind of person who never quits, that’s why I was able to explore my own identity and explore my gender, since my early 20s. One of my best friends from my teenage years, a woman, encouraged me, among other close friends, to take the leap and start my gender transition, right after I turned 40 years of age. Last night I had a very strange dream, and I need you to interpret this dream for me. The dream went as it follows. I was younger, but not my teenage years, and I was in an abandoned commercial building with many hallways and doors, with my teenage friend, the woman I mentioned earlier, and we were looking for a missing child. I don’t remember if the child was mine or hers. But we were followed, inside those hallways by some people, and we kept hearing noises, and we felt afraid that we will be attacked inside that building. I don’t remember if we found the child, but I remember being appointed best man, at my female friend’s wedding, who helped me look for the child inside that building. Before her wedding ceremony I had to dress up nicely, but I kept misplacing my male clothes and kept asking other men t to lend me some clothing items. When I was finally dressed, my clothes were somehow mismatched, and I felt weird about it. But I went on like this and decided to go to the ceremony. Right before I went out from the house, which was not mine, it belonged to some people I don’t know, to attend my female friend’s wedding ceremony, I somehow ended up carrying a large piece of cooked ham, and it soiled my groin area. And while I was looking through my things to find my ID, to present it to the official who presided the wedding ceremony, I could only find all kinds of messy memorabilia inside my suitcases, and only old, expired ID documents. I kept looking for my current ID, all around inside that house, and my suitcases filled with old unused stuff. I even went outside to the dumpster and started looking through old suitcases dumped in that garbage dumpster. There was a hungry dog, barking around the dumpster, and he jumped at me, and stole the piece of cooked ham from my groin area, and ate it. I somehow managed to get some other male clothes from other people, but I felt ridiculous and completely mismatched and dressed like a weirdo, at a charity event for poor people. I decided I cannot show up like this to my friend’s wedding, as her best man, because I would embarrass her in front of the guests. I knew I will disappoint her, and waited outside, feeling shame and guilt for not being there for her. After the ceremony, I met her, I apologised, she replied that she’s not mad at me, and we hugged, while she was still in her wedding gown, and we both cried. During our moment, her new husband showed up, dressed in weird street like clothes, and looked at me and acted disapprovingly towards me. I felt like he is a weird person to show up at his own wedding dressed like this, disrespecting his own bride, and their families who were attending the ceremony. After this moment, everyone boarded a large red double decker bus, to go in the British countryside, to attend the wedding party. I found my mother inside the party crowd, right before the bust started its journey, and when we got off the big red bus, to go inside the venue, I somehow lost track of my mother, and felt sorry about it, like I was missing her, but decided to go inside to the wedding party. The party venue was located apparently in an English village with lots of mud on the streets, and there were many poorly maintained houses around. At some point there was an angry mob of villagers, chasing some of the party guests around the dirty streets of the village, beating us with baseball bats and throwing stones at us. But for some reason, they could never hit me with the stones or hurt me with their bats. I decided to stop running, and let the angry mob run by me, leaving me behind, and I went back to the wedding party. After my decision to go back to the party, I suddenly woke up to real life, feeling distressed, sad and irritated, looking for answers to understand my feelings and the dream itself. End of dream. Pease interpret this dream for me, considering, my own autobiography, explained at the beginning of my prompt.
Your dream reflects your complex emotions regarding your identity, relationships, and personal journey, incorporating themes such as fear, belonging, validation, and self-acceptance. Here’s a detailed interpretation of the dream, connecting it to your experiences:
Abandoned Building and the Search for the Child:
Being Best Man at the Wedding:
The Mishaps With Clothing and Identity:
The Cooked Ham and the Dog:
Meeting with Your Friend:
The Angry Mob:
The Ending:
Overall Interpretation: The dream encapsulates your journey of self-discovery and acceptance against a backdrop of fear, societal judgment, and past trauma. It highlights your struggle between wanting to express your true self and feeling inadequate in that expression, while also pointing towards resilience and an inner strength you might not fully recognize. This dream may serve as an invitation to keep moving forward, to accept your journey as valid, and to embrace both your past and your evolving identity with compassion and understanding.